so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
