Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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