Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
