I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
