you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
