she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You made out with two different species that night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
