Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
