dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
