my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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