my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you never un-have a 4some
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
