i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
