I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
