Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
