And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
