Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
