I can tuck mytits in my pants
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
