do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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