im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
