So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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