I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
