The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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