Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize