before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
even my farts smell like vagina
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
