I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
