I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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