fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If that was your dad, he is hot
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
