Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
