i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
