oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
