To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
