I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
