News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Who died my cat blue again?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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