I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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