Your tits are I can't wait for
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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