I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
