actually, I'm a sock model
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
