That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
