So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize