I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize