You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
