i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
