i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
