Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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