i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
