If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
