The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize