Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
