Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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