I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
