I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize