Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My pussy is not your playground.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
