I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
