i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
