...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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