I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
