Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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