I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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