We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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