ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
