I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
