It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
