Soap is not a condiment
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
