He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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