I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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