Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
