At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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