I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
