i just had sex bonerless
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
