Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
