I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
