yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize