i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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