what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
