***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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