How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
