I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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